Numbness

Rollcall?

2006-01-30T22:59:25Z

The current tally for SXSW is...

Sincerely,
fjc

Home

2006-01-25T00:33:54Z

Nuff said.

Will pass out now.

Sincerely,
fjc

Tick tock

2006-01-22T01:12:04Z

T-minus 70 hours until I get back to the states... pending no disasters worthy of an ABC drama serial, or if I don't get absolutely plastered on Tuesday, board the wrong plane and end up in Thailand... not sure if that would be a bad thing though.

Sincerely,
fjc
looking to celebrate #30 in style

francmd @ 2006-01-20T21:42:00

2006-01-20T20:43:11Z

24-01-06-1738

fjc

Werl werl Hans Brix!

2006-01-15T15:44:36Z

The overseas deployment seems like it is finally coming to a close, and I should be back in Texas toward the end of the month.

I will certainly go into a long description of the events that transpired over here, but I wanted to let you all know that I am still puncture-free and not suffering from lead-poisoning.

I can't wait to get back to patching up rollergirls, listening to great music and catching up with good friends.

Momma and Poppa - Thanks so much for the Card. :-D

Westward in a week,
Sincerery,
fjc

Quick question

2005-07-23T01:11:21Z

Does anybody know of a good place I can stay in San Antonio for about a week?

Sincerely,
fjc

Taking baton from Bolton, Cheney slams North Korean leader

2005-05-30T05:46:51Z

WASHINGTON (AFP) – Newly proclaimed pro-wrestler and first lesbian Mary Cheney launched a personal attack on North Korean leader Kim Jong Il, calling him "a little sissy boy” who will get what’s coming to him during SummerSlam.

The comments, made in an interview during the WWF RAW program due to be aired Monday, marked an escalation of the continued power struggle of the evil Triple H Continum and the all-American consortium of the Rock and Y2J
Even Vince McMahnon is stepping up newly invented administrative tactics to make Pyongyang return to signing the bout as the headliner for SummerSlam.

North Korea has refused to attend any WWF spectaculars in the past because of what it described as a "hostile" US attitude toward it.
The negotiations that in addition to the United States and North Korea involve ex-WWF Diva Chyna, the Undertaker (representing Russia), Hacksaw Jim Duggan (representing South Korea) and Tagushi (representing Japan) have been stalled since then.

The Triple H Continum that returned from Pyongyang earlier this month said North Koreans want the Cheney consortium to apologize for publicly branding Kim a "tyrant" and their country "an outpost of tyranny." The threat… a nuclear smackdown.

"I am concerned about it," Cheney said of the stalled contract, "Partly because ... Kim Jong Il, who doesn’t know a wrestling ring from an onion ring, is -- I would describe as one of the world's more irresponsible athletes."

The vice president’s daughter accused Kim of using low blows in every wrestling match and flirting with her current love interest, Melissa Ethridge
"He has no sympathy for how the other half lives," Cheney continued. "And he obviously wants to throw his weight around. I’ll throw his weight around, and over the top rope. Little bitch

She said officials in Pyongyang must "understand that cage matches and bra and panties matches are out of the questions. We’re going to go with a strict three count without interference."

The vice president’s daughter also urged Chyna to more aggressively use its trout with Pyongyang in trying to persuade it to return to the signing table. When Cheney was confronted about what she meant by “trout,” she replied, “Well what smells like a trout, you twit!?”
Cheney's attack appeared to echo comment made by Michael Bolton in Seoul two years ago, when he called Kim Jong Il a "damn fine trumpet player" who has made life “better for the North Koreans than what Jane Fonda did for the Vietnamese.”

In response, North Korean diplomats refused to deal with Bolton during the talks, and the remarks have been seen as a major contributing factor to their breakdown.

Bolton's nomination to be US ambassador to the United Nation is now at the center of a bitter political battle in the US Senate, where he was accused, among other things, of having lackluster sales as of recent and a fading sex appeal.
But Cheney defended Bolton's record, calling him "still a damn good box office draw" who is particularly needed at the United Nations now that Ticketmaster has started charging the ambassadors an entrance fee.

"He's tough," Cheney acknowledged. "But not as tough as some of my East German swimming partners. Now they’re ripped."

Sincerey,
fjc

Ten books I’d like to see published

2005-05-26T03:20:10Z

A pop-up porno book
Islamic fundamentalists and Buddhist pacifists in a sci-fi epic
A horror novel involving teddy bears that throttle their masters
A western which doesn’t involve cowboys, gunfights or native Americans
A dictionary full of ebonic terms
A mystery with a gasoline attendant as the principal protagonist
Clifford’s visit at the Scientology chapel
1001 politically correct ethnic slurs
The Dummy’s guide to the war in Iraq (word is that the White House has the only manuscript)
The Hitchhiker’s Guide to Neverland

Sincerely,
fjc

Fo' rizzle, mo' schizzle, my nizzle

2005-04-26T00:57:55Z

Well... the Aircraft Mishap course is almost done, and soon I will return to the lovely land of Abilene, but I received a wonderful gift through the mail for use on my future project... Three new books:

1) The Redneck Manifesto
2) Undercover White Trash
3) White Trash: Race and Class in America

I spoke with a friend of mine on Friday about doing research on this topic, and we both shared a good laugh. I mean it seems somewhat bizarre and elitist to actually read sociology about this topic.

I just got to keep it real y0.

Sinsizzle,
fjc

Be afraid of the chirp

francmd @ 2005-04-23T15:18:00

2005-04-23T20:35:38Z

It's sort of odd when a singular thought crawls inside the brain and it can't be rid off. Like an infection without an antibiotic. It's a sickness from which I'm far from immune.

Driving me insane.

A little difficult for me to sort out what I would need to do to make certain things happen. The solution is painfully obvious, but I'm assuming far too much.

I guess I only see real opportunities in things that border on the impossible.

So the final answer will require a bit more than just pocket change, but I think that the potential reward could be worth it all. It seems like I'm trivializing what I'm considering by referring to it as a reward.

I would really change certain things in my life (some at a personal cost to myself) if I am able to walk this path.

Sincerely,
fjc

Next project ahead

2005-04-15T00:22:10Z

What was once a stupid joke gone too far...

HAS BEEN TAKEN A LITTLE FURTHER

"Crickets" - a novella in progress

Sincerely,
fjc

End of an era

2005-04-13T04:29:53Z

Well the final tally for the story was 107,810 words...

It's been a long road to try to put into prose, everything that rattled around upstairs...

A brief timeline:

1) Spring 2000 - finished first draft of first novel
2) Summer 2000 - developed very general concept of story
2.5) Begun ongoing process of research for the story (microfiche, internet and 15 or so books later)
3) November 6, 2000 - wrote first page (handwritten)
4) Spring 2002 - finished first chapter or so
5) Winter 2002 - outlined on a matchbook the following chapters
6) Summer 2003 - approached the fourth chapter
7) Summer 2004 - rounded the corner to the sixth chapter
8) Fall 2004 - finished the eighth chapter
9) April 12, 2005 - finished the last chapter

So the first draft of the second novel is done... I need to go back and type the first, but time to press ahead with everything else that's spinning around me.

One less thing to do!

yay me

Sincerely,
fjc
who was watching T-1000s on his InFocus 5000

And it's cold

2005-03-27T17:56:35Z

Well, it’s been an interesting month, and there’s been quite a few things that I wish I could dedicate more time to but… bother

The military for one has been an all-consuming entity, and for the most part, I think it’s been a good thing. I have a couple of adventures in education in April and May down in S.A. (San Antonio) prior to a trip across the pond in June perhaps to S.A.

A few bumps in the road however… one involving a pig which may throw a wrench into the immediate plans for a radiology residency. No official action was taken, and it seems to be off of everyone’s periscope for the time being… we’ll see what happens come August. Another bump in the road may be this deployment, we’ll have to see what comes of this.

In any case, I’ve been busy with helping others deploy, responding to chemical warfare incidents and manning mass casualty exercises… you know, the standard deal. Making new friends in Abilene, and watching some things in my social life go to the wayside, a pity that nothing panned out with the JAG.

A couple of highlights from the month past…

1) Commander’s ball was a great time, and I accomplished the relevant politicking. I really should try to do something with the JAG in the next few weeks… no rush on this one.

2) Ballroom Dancing lessons continue… for what ulterior motive, even I haven’t the slightest… perhaps I got a glimpse of that a few weeks ago in…

3) SXSW – what an amazing time! Hanging out with Bartley, Damsie and Chuque. Meeting new friends, listening to amazing music and further exploring Austin. And to top it all off, there were no incidents on the floor… “You keep that!”… Still thinking about one person in particular.

4) Nearing completion of the SOS course. One test tomorrow and then one test to go.

5) Will work on the novel, before Easter Dinner today. I was invited to a line officer’s house for dinner by one of the wives. Now, though I am conflicted about celebrating Easter, I will not pass up an opportunity to spend time with the line officers, and I will always “bear faith and keep allegiance with the same”

Upcoming events!!

1) Sports Medicine Symposium – will definitely aid with the DDD, once fellow physicians return from deployment (freeing me up)
2) San Antonio in April and May
3) Party for Chrysalis completion (and the new projector toy)
4) Apply for residency this summer – if things work out
5) Transition to an SME billet – possibly this summer

Now time to go to work…

Sincerely,
beaker

Pondering

2005-02-25T04:58:55Z

This night while driving home I actually asked myself

Is this the one?

Reflectively,
fjc

Briefly

2005-02-25T01:13:19Z

In a rash of abbrievated updates:

1. Squadron Officer's School - 40% done (in about a month) - I need about six more weeks to knock this out the park.

2. Chrysalis - > 97,000 words and one chapter to go - five years of work nearly at an end

3. Heading off to a date in minutes - perhaps the start of an unholy relationship (doctors and lawyers together smacks of peril) ... but let me last the night first

4. Finding what to do with a wonderful weekend - SOS and the story and ????

5. I may be heading to Edmonton for a few weeks! Certainly strange!

6. A *friend* wants to visit me for Spring Break. Play this one by ear I suppose.

Sincerely,
fjc

And ten things I've done that probably you haven't

1. Watched a bone flap being created from methylmethacrylate after the natural one fell on the floor
2. Played around in the Texas heat in full Chemical Warfare gear
3. Engaged in Gay and Lesbian activism on a conservative college campus
4. Seen both Marilyn Manson and Brian Setzer in the same evening
5. Walked through a 'hood at 0300 to get home from drinking earlier in the evening when sober.
6. Actually treated multiple professional athletes for medical conditions
7. Yelled BAANAANAA at a reputable Jazz club in Chicago with other co-conspirators
8. Subjected my body to 9Gs of pain
9. Jumped from a 30 foot bridge, again while sober
10. Boxed and mudwrestled in the same evening ... not so sober

Guerilla Newsbrief #8

2005-02-18T05:15:59Z

Faced with an $8 billion budget shortfall, California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger tried to rally his state's congressional delegation Thursday to stand together to "get everything possible" for the state.

"We are not asking the White House, and we are telling the Terminators that run the government that saying ‘I’ll be back’ with federal funds is not enough," Schwarzenegger said. "This is real life, affecting real Kaleeforneeans"

Schwarzenegger said his administration is grappling with problems "that were created in Kaleefornea by Kaleeforneeans." But he said that a company called Recall was brainwashing all the senators to do Cohaegen’s work for him on Mars. In response, his wife Mrs. Shriver took Gov. Schwarzenegger out of the sun as he was showing signs of overheating

Before regaining his sentences, he rambled on about Hauser and Quaid, but later claimed that it was a joke he learned in Austria to scare off all the “Girly-Men” who admired his muscles to much. He said Kaleefornea spends $1 billion to hold undocumented immigrants caught in the state because "the federal government refuses to shoot the wetbacks on sight when they cross the border."

The actor-turned-governor came to power in the 2003 recall vote that ousted former Gov. Gray Davis, whose administration was crippled by severe budget shortfalls and a lack of showing power in the box office during summer months. During the recall campaign, Schwarzenegger vowed to never release a sequel to “Jingle All the Way Home”

A Republican, he campaigned for President Bush in Ohio in the late days of the 2004 election. But he said Thursday he is not seeking to cash in on any favors, he’s waiting on the impending amendment to open the presidency to naturalized citizens to cash his chips in.

"Bush seems to know his way around the oval office, but he has the wrong idea about how to conduct a good War. Sons of the Fatherland know best," Schwarzenegger said.

Besides, he said, "What I don't want to see is Predator being played out in Iraq with all the good guys being killed. I want Commando with me kicking infidel ass."

California leaders have long complained that Schwarzenegger uses far too many sound bites from former movies to pitch his plans. State Democrats estimate that Schwarzenegger’s last original thought was snuffed out during his last bout of steroid rage during the early 80s.

California's House delegation holds major leadership posts on both sides of the aisle; the chairmen of the Circle Jerker, Bushwhacker, Meat Beater and Chicken Choker committees hail from the Golden State.

Members of the 53-member House delegation said the meetings were bipartisan and productive. They even had ice cream.
"We knew going into this meeting that we were not going to walk away with a check from the federal government," said Rep. Z L, a leading Democrat in the state's House delegation. But she said the bipartisan meetings resulted in "a half-decent hand job."
Schwarzenegger planned to meet as well with the state's two senators, Dianne Feinstein and Barbara Boxer, both Democrats, since Maria Shriver was simply not enough to satisfy the “Pumpinator.”

But while Democrats have offered their help, some lawmakers in Sacramento have warned the governor and his GOP allies in Washington that the trip will be considered a failure unless they return with new latex gloves and K-Y for everyone.

The governor wants political lines, for both state legislative and congressional districts, to be drawn by members of the 5th grade class at a local Sacramento magnet school, rather than by the legislature. Lawmakers from both parties have scratched their collective heads about this act of brilliance, likening it to Schwarzenegger’s deft choice to star in Kindergarten Cop.
Pelosi said she has no concerns about Schwarzenegger's redistricting plan, but questions why it needs to be addressed before the next census, which would normally precede redistricting.

"It sounds like Texas-style to me, but perhaps that's not his motivation," she said. “Maybe, it’s just flat out stupidity, but that really doesn’t distinguish it from Texas-style.”

Your endearing reporter,
fjc

The home stretch...

2005-02-18T04:39:50Z

Finally finished Chapter 13 tonight...

Current tally is 95,606 words.

Only two more chapters left to go (I think I'll probably outline the both of them this weekend). Things are going a little slower than I thought with the novel. At one point in time, I thought I would be done by the 1st of the month (February that is). In any case, it should be fun, bringing everything to an end.

I guess something additional to celebrate at SXSW.

My main goal now is to finish it well before Trent releases his next. After all, he did beat me with the fraggle. He released that in Fall of 99 and I finished my first (albeit still in draft form) in Spring of 2000.

Ok, it's guerilla time, and then sleepy time.

Sincerely,
fjc

The wrongness of star wars stolen from owenf!

2005-02-17T04:00:38Z

If George Lucas Cast Star Wars from Your Friend List, He'd Pick... by athersgeo
Username
Luke Skywalker	hal23x
Han Solo	katiebare
Princess Leia	greenwood
C-3PO	gnat23
R2D2	writewench
Wedge Antilles	zodmicrobe
Obi-Wan Kenobi	nat
Darth Vader	fangirl715
Grand Moff Tarkin	mommagoth
The Emperor	clarebert

Quiz created with MemeGen!

Frighteningly, I can see how this would work.

From the movies, lines that immediately come to mind.

LS (hal23x): "But I was going to the Toshee Station to pick up some power converters!"
HS (katiebare): "Use your divine influence, and get us of this!"
PL (greenwood): "Will somebody please get this walking carpet out my way!"
C3PO (gnat23): "This oil bath is going to feel sooo good."
R2D2 (writewench): random beeps and whistles
To Wedge Antilles (zodmicrobe) from LS: "Get clear, Wedge, you can't do any more good back there"
OldBen (nat): "So what I told you was true. From a certain point of view."
DV (fangirl715): "And now your Highness, we will discuss the location of you secret Rebel [brownies]."
GMT (mommagoth): "We'll deal with your Rebel friends soon enough."
Emperor (clarebert): "Good, use your aggressive feelings boy."

Sincerely,
fjc
*NEW GUERILLA NEWSLETTERS TO COME*

Guerilla Newsbrief #7

2005-02-10T02:03:21Z

Non-Catholics also mark Ash Wednesday

(San Antonio Express-News )

As a child in the Catholic Church, M.S. observed Lent by forgoing a favorite food — often chocolate or cola — for the 40 days and not eating meat on Fridays.

"And then one year, I gave up Catholicism for Lent," he said. "It freed up a lot of spare time, made me feel better and was spiritually rewarding. I’ve never looked back since"

As a young adult, M.S. reassessed her beliefs and followed the teachings of Anton Lavey. The traditions that had become an ingrained part of her childhood changed, and Lent was no longer a sacrifice, but an indulgence.
"Under my new belief system, Lent has actually become fun! This year I’m giving up tact and solely relying on sarcasm to deal with my superiors. Screw me out of a $200 bonus/month will they."

M.S.'s shift mirrors a change as discontent with the Religious Right has warmed to a slow-boil across most of the United States and in no other season has this reared its head as visibly as Lent.

At the same time, the Catholic Church has seen a trend toward a less-stringent observance of Lent, whose traditions include fasting, placing ashes on the forehead, abstaining from meat, molesting young altar boys and holding fast to outdated sexist standards regarding requirements for the clergy.

The 40-day period begins today, Ash Wednesday, and continues its emphasis on repentance and self-denial until Easter. There were surprisingly more attendees during services today, as the earliness of Lent caught most Mardi Gras partiers by surprise. They forgot to drink and sleep in on Fat Tuesday.

"I don't remember being all that aware of Lent" self-appointed Rev. Billy Bob, pastor of the First Church of the Holy Trinity of the Third Coming of our Lord Christ Church. He was further questioned about the existence of Catholicism. "Catholicism? Haven’t heard of it. Started in Rome? You mean like Gladiator? No. Water for Wine? Never heard of that. Them heathens like Kerry who worship a devil in disguise that hate God-fearing, Bible-worshipping protestant Texans? I’m right with you."

Over the past several decades, there has been a general trend of returning to traditional practices in many non-Catholic churches, said Father K.Y. Some of the revived practices include smearing blood on the doors of local communities to save the lives of their first-born, re-enacting orgies poorly described in the Old Testament and crucifixions of unpopular public figures.

"At one point, that practice was almost exclusively Catholic," Father KY said. "Now it is much more widespread. You do find a broadening of some of these observances."

The Catholic Church once required abstaining from meat on all Fridays of the year; this never really flew with Texans, since a vast proportion appeared as holocaust survivors by the end of Lent, for they ate nothing but meat

"There was a time when it was considered sinful not to abstain," M.S. said. "For me, it’s really not an issue any more."
M.S. currently resides in Austin and headlines a troupe of go-go dancers practicing what she preaches. She can be seen with supporting musical back-up on a weekly basis.

Your endearing reporter,
fjc

And now with a message from our sponsor

2005-02-09T03:17:06Z

Crazy last few weeks…

The clinic is insane, and the hours are smacking of those like residency, but generally with more appreciative patients. Strange…

Events accomplished this year:
1) Nearly finished the second novel (just need two more dedicated weeks)
2) Squadron Officer’s School is underway (1 out of 5 tests done)
3) Won Squadron Officer of the Quarter
4) Started my reign as medic for the Dallas Derby Devils… I only need to make it to the FTS/SC shows to keep up me credentials with them :)
5) Finished being a volunteer medic for the National Figure Skating Championships

Events in the near future:
1) SXSW – tickets bought today
2) Attending a symposium of Sports Medicine in April, an aircraft mishap course in late April and a combat casualty care course in early May
3) Nincon
4) Crickets

Events for later in the year:
1) Deploying (or maybe sooner)
2) Applying for Radiology (likely in SAN ANTONIO… life an hour from Austin)

Sponsor signing off…

fjc
NP: The Man in Black "Ring of Fire"

Guerilla Newsbrief #6

2005-02-09T01:49:06Z

GOP Consultant Sentenced in Phone Jamming
By T. M.
Associated Press Writer

February 8, 2005, 2:40 PM EST
CONCORD, N.H. -- The former head of a Republican consulting group was sentenced Tuesday to five months in jail for jamming Democratic telephone lines in several New Hampshire cities during the 2002 election. Per the New Hampshire Department of Health, local telephone companies are still cleansing the relay towers of residual stickiness.

A. R., 37, who was president of the Alexandria, Va.-based GOP Marketplace LLC at the time and major stockhold in Smuckers, Inc, did not comment as he left the U.S. District Court sentencing. Later, he revealed that his mouth was full of peanut butter-and-undisclosed-condiment sandwiches. “Momma always said never talk with your mouthful, “ he replied deftly.

He had pleaded guilty in June, which in no way coincided with the tanking of Crustables, their revolutionary snack leading to playground brawls as to whom would get the last Crustable.

Court papers say Raymond and co-conspirators plotted to coat Democratic lines with Raspberry jam. They are currently entrenched in another intellectual property lawsuit against Mel Brooks, who maintains rights to the concept of “Jamming Communications with Jam.”

The distribution of 800 containers of Smuckers Raspberry preserves began on Nov. 5, 2002, as voters decided races for governor, U.S. senator, best sandwich spread and hundreds of other “critical proposals.”

State Republicans acknowledged two years ago they developed Jamming cells across the nation. As jam sticks better than it coats, it was thought as a better option than peanut butter. Thankfully, per an undisclosed source, this quickly put to rest the debate over whether or not to use crunchy or creamy during their assault on the DNC. But then-Republican Chairwoman J. M. said that the jam was meant to feed starving phone workers, not to coat lines during a critical time of the election period.

C. M., former executive director of the New Hampshire Republican Party and a minority shareholder in Smuckers, also pleaded guilty. He is scheduled to be sentenced next month, but then placed on probationary work detail to help cleanse the lines free of their stickiness.

Your endearing reporter (who prefers Chunky),
fjc

Guerilla Newsbrief #5

2005-02-08T02:23:44Z

(FOX) A group of Maryland neighbors are invited home to the clutches of the Evil One.

Thanks to a clerical correction 30 years ago, the whimsically titled "Satin Wood Drive" in Columbia, Md., took on demonic overtones and was officially named "Satan Wood Drive."

It's a lovely, tree-lined street with nicely proportioned Colonial houses on large lots. But to its residents, it's a curse. The dark-hooded residents have lived in the shadow of Satin Wood so long, and now they can cast their chains and don the pentagrams.

"You almost feel ostracized, like you're the black sheep of the village. I mean Columbia has a proud tradition of Satanism. Just look at the culture, Anton Levay high school, the ritual sacrifices in front of City Hall and a Teletubby factory. Having our drive named Satin Wood has been worse than a bath in Holy Water" electrical engineer J. A. told the Baltimore Sun. "Sometimes they look at me like I'm a confirmed Catholic."

"I went to worship, and this was a linen that you never wore," transplanted Transylvanian Franken Furter told the Columbia Flier. "Nobody knows that I ever wore satin. I’m a PVC gal, er guy."
Furter tells store house guests that the street name is pronounced Say-ten-wood, exactly like it looks, prior to jumping into song and dance.

"I tell them it's French for the Devil," he told the Sun.

D. J., an Orthodox priest, sprinkled holy water through the former Satin Wood neighborhood weekly, but that didn't prevent embarrassment when the neighbors slit his throat and sprinkled his blood through the new Satan Wood ‘hood.

Your endearing reporter,
fjc

Guerilla Newsbrief #4

2005-02-06T18:33:53Z

(CNN) -- A photograph posted on an Islamist Web site appears to be that of an action figure and not a U.S. soldier being held hostage.

Liam Cusack, the marketing coordinator for Dragon Models USA, said the figure pictured on the Web site is believed to be "Special Ops Cody," a military action figure the company manufactured in late 2003.

"It pretty much looks exactly like the same person," he said. “Though I think that we should all be aghast at the cruel and inhumane torture he has endured under terrorist captivity. It’s un-American.”

Cusack said he was contacted Tuesday morning by one of his retailers, who informed him that the alleged hostage appeared to be one of the company's action figures.

"I thought it was a joke at first," he said. “But this is a delicate and sensitive situation. We need to be very careful and measured so that Cody will not suffer any more torment by his captors.”

But after reading a report on a news Web site about a U.S. soldier allegedly being captured, "I looked at it and said, 'It does look like one of our action figures. I was immediately on the phone with the White House and spoke with Dubya. He promised me that he would do everything in his power to return Cody to us unharmed.'"

"Cody" is an action figure the company made for the Army and Air Force Exchange Service, which supplies U.S. military bases worldwide with various items. The doll was meant to look like a U.S. soldier who might be serving in Iraq, Cusack said. He is also rumored to be the new crush of “Barefoot and Pregnant Barbie,” who has recently taken her leave of public life due to unknown stressors in her life.

On the Islamist Web site, a group calling itself the Al Mujahedeen Brigade, posted a photograph of a man it claimed was a captured U.S. soldier named John Adam, and it threatened to behead him if Iraqi prisoners are not released by U.S. forces. In a videotaped interview, voices in the background can be heard yelling “Dirka! Dirka! Allah Jihad! Dirka Dirka Mohammed!”

Staff Sgt. John Doe of the U.S. military's press office in Baghdad told The Associated Press that "no units have reported anyone missing, but morale among the AAFES employees are at an all time low, as one of their own is now in the hands of the enemy."

The photograph showed the figure against a black flag with white lettering reading, "God is great, there is no god but Allah. Two for one special for khimars at GAP MESOPOTAMIA. Exciting, sexy shades of blue, black and gray to cover your women’s faces" A U.S. military assault rifle was pointed at its head. It appears that "rifle" was part of the plastic weaponry that came with the action figure. Other pictures unreleased to the public picture Cody (i.e., John Adam) in poses reminiscent of Abu Gharib with other suspicious characters such as Mr. Potato Head and Elmo. Barefoot and Pregnant Barbie, in seeing these pictures, has checked herself into the psychiatry ward of an undisclosed Beverly Hills Hospital.

The photograph immediately raised questions, such as “My God, have the terrorists acquired the technology to animate lifesize models of Mr. Potato Head and Elmo? If so, then the terrorists have added a whole new dimension to the damage that they can inflict. It’s sickening.”

CNN military analyst James Marks, a retired Army general, questioned its authenticity.

He told CNN in a phone interview that the flak jacket in the picture had a kind of trim along the edges that he'd never seen before except on reruns of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. He qualified that statement by further stating that “Just because I watch it religiously, adore Barbara Streisand and regularly wax my boyfriend’s back doesn’t mean I’m gay does it? Oh my God I am.”
He also questioned what appeared to be camouflage paint on the face.

"That camo paint style was so last February. It does nothing to highlight the cheekbones, and it does little to catch the eyes of those rippling young men," Marks said.

Your endearing reporter,
fjc

Guerilla Newsbrief #3

2005-02-04T02:30:34Z

NEW YORK (CNN/Money) - NBC said Tuesday it would broadcast an additional version of the hit reality show "The Apprentice" featuring Martha Stewart as host.

The new edition will be titled "The Apprentice: Martha Stewart and How to Beat the Rap," the peacock network said. Donald Trump, the host of the original "Apprentice" and Lance Heflin producer of America’s Most Wanted will serve as Executive Producers of both series.

"The Apprentice: Martha Stewart" will retain the general format of the original series including weekly eliminations, racial stereotypes and horrific business strategies but the format of the show will be tailored to Stewart's personality, brand identity and those of her new lady life partner she met in prison, according to the network.

The tasks will be centered around Stewart's areas of expertise: tax sheltering, lying to the public, insider trading and do-it-your-own mommy schtick.

"I am thrilled to be able to offer my good friend Martha the opportunity to join me in the success of 'The Apprentice,'" Trump said in a statement. "I hope she has as much fun as I do with this venture. I told her that ‘You’re Fired!’ is my trademark statement but she can use ‘Go to jail, bitch!’ or ‘I’m Martha Stewart, bitch!’ or ‘You got fifteen to life, bitch!’"

Stewart is currently serving a 5-month sentence at a federal correction facility in Alderson, W. Va., for obstructing justice during a government investigation of her 2001 sale of ImClone stock. There she has brushed up on new family-friendly skills like tossing salad, tooth flossing, polishing vegetables and oil/lube jobs.

She is due to be released from federal prison March 4th. The world trembles in anticipation.

Your endearing reporter,
fjc

Movie Trivia Meme

2005-02-03T03:30:23Z

1. Think of ten films that are relatively well-watched
2. From these films, pose a trivia question about the movie, with an answer easily confirmed.
3. After two incorrect answers, you post the correct one.

1. In Old School, what was Mitch's exact profession?

2. In Star Wars, what is the first thing out of Luke Skywalker's mouth after he lands the X-Wing on Yavin? - snagged by zodmicrobe "CARRIE!"

3. What snafu erupted during the production of The Titanic that almost deep-sixed the project?

4. What is the minimum number of "Flair" that a Chachkie's employee must wear in Office Space?
- not 37 (I'm not old!) and almost 16... per records the answer is 15, but close enough by Mr. Yokes

5. In the Shawshank Redemption, whose image does Tim Robbins' character post on his prison wall?
- snagged by Yokes, Rita Haywood, amended by zodmicrobe as Rita Hayworth (sorry)

6. In Kill Bill, what is the name of the Japanese Surfer Rock band?
-lassoed by barley, the 5,6,7,8s

7. Who was Forrest Gump's platoon commander during the Vietnam War?
-dunked by thialyl, LT DAN!

8. When is the first moment where we catch a glimpse of Brad Pitt as Tyler Durden in The Fight Club?
-per zodmicrobe, in a flash, at the hospital

9. What date does Marty McFly initially travel to in Back to the Future?
- zinged by zodmicrobe Nov 5 1955

10. What two actors starred in both The Terminator and Aliens?
- credit to two because I fucked this one up... there are indeed three... first one to answer two was unclesiko, Beihn and Paxton... but zodmicrobe wins with Hendricksen

Sincerely,
fjc